Sometimes life is great and hard at the same time.
I have this seriously cute baby who is snuggly and makes me turn to mush every time he smiles. My Gussy is a darling. I adore that I am often the only one who can soothe his cries. I relish our middle of the night feedings where we both fall back to sleep together. It’s all so gooey sweet and wonderful.
Until it’s not.
The night feedings catch up to me and I’m literally just too sleep deprived and my brain is foggy and my emotions are off kilter and all I want is for someone to take my precious baby so I can sleep for 6 hours.
This doesn’t mean that my life is not still so good, it just means that I need to recuperate from too much of a good thing. I need a helping hand and someone to hear me.
I belong to this amazing coffee group where weekly we share what we are carrying that is heavy and what we are rejoicing in. Often our rejoicing is the flipside of our heavy. It’s a safe space to complain about the green grass.
“The grass needs to be mowed and watered, man I hate the sound of the lawnmower, but I love the feeling of the soft lawn under my feet and the way my yard looks.”
That person is not looking to have someone suggest they cover their property in concrete, they just want to let out that the lawnmower is annoying to them even though they love the grass.
One of the best rules (for lack of a better word) in our group is that we don’t talk when someone else is sharing, but if we can relate we hold up our hands and wiggle our fingers to show support and that we get it.
If I’m telling you I’m tired from the 3am babblings and cooings of my last baby I can pretty much guarantee I am not looking for advice, just an understanding nod. I know I could put an end to my interrupted sleep every night. I’m just not ready to let go of these special little times yet.
And I promise that when you tell me your jeans don’t fit I won’t tell you how you can lose weight. I will just pass the chocolate and say “I hear ya girl.” because I do and I’ve been there and I know you like chocolate just as much as I do.
It’s true there are times when we need advice. Here’s a tip: If you’re not sure if someone just needs some help carrying their burden or they are looking for someone to give them a solution… ask.
I’ll even give you the words to say: Do you want some advice?
Then be OK if your person says no.
There is a sacredness in holding space for someone who just needs to sort and process. Feel honored if you are chosen as the one who gets to help carry the load. You have been deemed safe. Take your position seriously.
I will throw out a warning when it comes to griping about green grass.
Beware of chronic complainers and complaining. Share your burden don’t be the burden. Ain’t nobody got time for that!